Trauma-Induced Theology (Part 2)
In this post, I share reflections on how both the traumatized and non-traumatized can move forward.
A couple weeks ago, I penned an article entitled Trauma-Induced Theology. In the article, I offered a few pointers:
1) The phrase "trauma-induced theology" speaks of how our trauma – both past and current – has deeply informed our understanding of God, as well as the church.
2) Due to the trauma that we have experienced, or seen others experience, many are walking the path of deconstructing their faith, and even some are going as far as de-converting from the Christian faith altogether. The issues we face are not so much what “the secular world” is doing, but rather what the church has done and is doing.
3) I then offered a couple of thoughts on how to process what we have experienced. First, we must be aware of our predicament. And that’s difficult. How do we become aware of that of which we are not aware? I hope these posts move us in that direction.
4) Lastly, our of that awareness, I encouraged the simple practices of being (rather than doing), listening (to what's going on inside), and journaling (putting pen to paper as part of our processing).
A couple of more points before I offer some new thoughts.
Firstly, I want to define the word trauma. In her new book Trauma in the Pews, Dr. Janyne McConnaughey states that "a traumatic event [is] anything that causes an individual to feel threatened emotionally or physically, feel powerless, and/or affect their capacity to cope while overwhelmed" (p3). This is helpful and broad enough (beyond the official DSM-V text on mental disorders) to encompass a whole host of situations, including the religious and spiritual abuse many have encountered, whether directly or indirectly.
Secondly, I would be remiss if I didn’t note that the points offered in my first article (summarized above) are not any profound insights nor are they a quick fix. I know very well that they aren't the answer. Though I wish they were. Yet, I am continually reminded that many don't even know they are dealing with trauma, which means they also aren't aware of their trigger points and why they may be reacting in the ways they are in varying situations. So, if listening to a preacher, seeing a Bible, walking into a church, hearing someone mention God, etc, causes some kind of adverse reaction inside yourself (a desire to fight, flight or freeze), then this means, more times than not, that you have experienced some kind of religious harm in your life.
The more we are aware, the more we can move into processing and healing from our trauma.
Now, part of the processing of our religious trauma will be deconstruction. Right or wrong, and I personally believe it's ok, the spiritually abused will deconstruct at some point. The cognitive dissonance proves too much not to rethink their previously held positions, if not also react with a pendulum swing away from the religious community of which we were once a part.
Having re-summarized many comments from my original post, I now want to share some insights to consider for both the traumatized and the non-traumatized.
I'll start with those who have not experienced religious trauma (though, again, I think most of us have likely experienced some kind of harm, whether large or small).
1) Please become aware of trauma yourself. (Sorry I keep using that word aware!) We will find it immensely difficult relating to others who have experienced trauma if we aren't aware of what it is (to some extent) and how it can affect us. You needn’t take up a Master's in counseling. Rather, engage with just a bit of learning. A couple of resources I'd offer are the books Trauma in the Pews and The Body Keeps the Score. If books aren't your thing, then I recommend the podcast Embodied Faith.
2) Give people (i.e., the traumatized) space to process. Typically, when we encounter family and friends (or strangers) that have a problem, we can easily move into one of two modes: a) We become the moralist exhorting the person to change their behavior or b) we become the psychologist trying to fix the person (see Larry Crabb's book Connecting). Such typically comes from well-intentioned people, especially within the church. But neither of these approaches usually lead to a positive result. And, just remember how you might feel as you encountered the “moralist” or “psychologist” while you walked through your own pain.
3) If you do provide anything to those who have been traumatized, let it be your presence and a listening ear. Of course, prayer is appropriate, and it may be something to offer as you sit with the person and listen. But just tread that ground carefully. Don't be fearful of prayer, but use discernment. Remember, in processing religious trauma, prayer for God's “healing” or God's comfort may be a trigger that sends the person reeling, taking them back in time to those spiritually harmful settings. In this time, there may be weeping, cursing, shouting, silence, shaking, or all the above. Hold that space for them. You don't have to know what to do, other than be there with them. If you want a simple children's book that helps understand this, check out The Rabbit Listened.
There could be more to add, but these three points are a great place to begin.
To the traumatized, I would offer these points below. Yet, I want to say up front that I am speaking as one who has experienced some trauma of a religious nature. So, please know that I speak only from compassion. I care for those who have encountered such horrible things and for those who are deconstructing or de-converting.
1) Deconstruction is ok. On some level, everyone goes through some sort of theological transition in life, if not multiple transitions. Some are major pendulum swings, some are lesser. We all have to re-evaluate our perspectives in light of our life experiences. I've had to do this mostly due to my 8.5 years of living abroad, in places that weren't the conservative evangelical sanctuaries of the American Bible Belt. Therefore, don't despair because of deconstruction. You aren't being “unfaithful”. [For those lamenting my encouragement of deconstruction, especially in light of postmodern and Derridean philosophy, I encourage you to read Christian philosopher Jamie Smith's Who's Afraid of Postmodernism.] I'll even go so far as to say de-conversion can be ok (and I speak from one who still follows the way of Jesus, as best I can). I desire that people follow the real Jesus, but I also have to give space for people to leave the story altogether. Otherwise, the trauma will usually be perpetuated. I will add that, for those deconstructing, you will need to consider how to land the plane. Otherwise you'll keep spiraling downward, on and on and on and on, which isn't typically helpful mentally and emotionally. Why? From my small perspective, I think it could lead to nihilism, which I think will remove any and all hope that we have in life (whether religious or not). And with no hope, life loses its worth.
2) There are those who do care and love you deeply. I'm not sure who they are – family, friends, therapist, colleague, perhaps even someone in your church setting (I offer support of the church with trepidation). You will not make this journey alone. Two of our deepest longings as humans are to belong and matter. To whom do you belong and matter? Link up with them.
3) We all know the adage “hurt people hurt people.” I now add to that “traumatized people traumatize people.” If someone has done something that has traumatized you, you can bank on that person having been traumatized themselves. This is not to give people a free pass for their heinous acts. Please know that. But we all learn our behavior, which includes our own reactions to the trauma we have experienced. The traumatized can easily harm others in the same way they were traumatized. Coming to realize this has helped me to better process the trauma in my own story. I am usually not the only traumatized one in the situation. The offender had to endure their own adverse experiences in life. It hurts to know this, because then I think it asks for some grace and mercy to be extended. But this is something to at least ponder, though that consideration might be far down the line as you journey through processing your wounds.
As I did with the non-traumatized, I'll stop with three points to contemplate for the traumatized.
A few points here and there can seem trite, I am well aware. There is so much more to say, primarily because trauma gets so deeply embedded upon our brains and bodies. Processing such can taken years of work. Still, I hope my reflections above give us all some helpful insights that I share in reflection of my own trauma and walking with others who have experienced trauma.
May we continue our journey toward healing and wholeness.